25 Feb 2018

Letting Go & Learning To Be Unapologetically Me



Whenever a New Year rolls around (yes, I'm still talking about New Years) I always think 'this is the year I'm going to change'. Then I sort of forget about it and it carries onto the following year and so on. However, I've recently been thinking... how can I change? What aspects of myself would I actually like to change? What if the change is bad? What if I can't keep up with it and return to my old ways?

Ya know me, always over thinking things to the max. However, I now I think I've finally figured the whole 'change' thing out...



It's less of a change and more about getting comfortable with myself, letting go of things and learning to stop apologising.

There have been many moments over the past couple of years where I've apologised for my own traits, personality and actions, when I really shouldn't have. Moments that I've beaten myself up about losing things, when it is most definitely not worth it. Moments where I found it really hard to let go of something, even though I knew deep down that I should. I'd really like to learn how to let go of these habits a little and just become comfortable with my own self - because there is absolutely no reason for me to be sorry about being myself and no reason to be hanging on to something that's no longer there.



One of the main topics that got me thinking about this is friendships.

They say that friends come and go, which I completely agree with, however it is very hard to accept. When a friendship fizzles out I completely understand that it is normal. Yet, I'm still very hard on myself because I start to think that I'm the problem. Retrospectively thinking, I'm definitely not the problem. Now that I realise that.. all of the stressing and self-blaming was such a huge waste of time and effort.

It's easy to put yourself down a lot, especially when there seems to be no logical reason as to why something has happened, such as a loss of friendship. Over the past couple of years I've done this time and time again but it's about time that stops. Those who are near and dear to my heart, my amazing fiancé, family and friends, always remind me of my self-worth and if that's not enough and I have to get reassurance from a friend who couldn't care less I really don't know what is.

I've learnt my lesson the hard way. Figuring out friendships is tough - I've had my fair share of crappy 'friends' (maybe one day I will share the stories with you). But it's all part of life. Life is full of lessons and tests. You just got to learn to get through it all and let go of things that need to be let go of.





Going on a bit of a tangent here, but please bare with me.

I'd describe myself as an open book - what you see is what you get. I'm often described in this way too. Sometimes it's a positive and sometimes it's not.

Sometimes my personality can be off-putting, intimidating, maybe even unlikeable. When I became aware of this I thought that it's something that has got to change, I need to be someone who isn't those things and everyone has to like me. I think I subconsciously put a front on just so I could please people so I could change peoples minds.

Then I figured out that people still disliked me and I realised that I'm never going to change their mind. Although it is sad that you can't be like by everyone, it is also the harsh reality of life. You can't please everyone all the time. Sometimes, you've just gotta let it be and continue to do you.

Because at the end of the day, the world still goes round. Life goes on. And that's what I need to remember... and be unapologetically me.


OUTFIT DETAILS

All coincidentally New Look (again - oops!)


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